Go With the Flow

Any day now someone will raise an eyebrow at me as Fergus latches on with a happy sigh. ‘Oh!’ she will say in a tone bordering between surprise and distaste, ‘are you still feeding him then?’ I tend not to mind about such enquiries and treat them as an invitation to educate the enquirer on extended breastfeeding. Actually I hate the term extended breastfeeding, it makes it seem like an activity that has somehow been deliberately or artificially prolonged. As though I had any choice in the matter! Short of nailing my bra shut I don’t see any way of persuading Fergus that breastfeeding is an unnecessary activity at 18-months old. I have managed to harness the wisdom gained by feeding his older sister until the age of two and a half and teach him a non-obvious term for breastfeeding after a memorable occasion when she brought a supermarket to a standstill by screaming ‘I want BOOBY!’ at the top of her voice.

I know that some people find it weird, bordering on incestuous to breastfeed a toddler and I don’t brandish the idea around first time parents. I can remember watching with horror as my local breastfeeding counsellor fed her pre-schooler at a bumps and babes session I attended when pregnant with baby number two, having bottle-fed my first. Work demands made baby-led weaning impossible for me with that baby but with first Carys and now Fergus it’s been lovely to just let them carry on at their own pace. It’s no longerabhorrent to me because it’s not a conscious decision to feed a toddler, it’s just a carrying on of a normal activity from babyhood. As a breastfeeding counsellor of course I am aware of the continued and substantial health benefits to Fergus; but as a mum it’s just part of the rhythm of our day, as normal as a hug, as practical as a cup of water. My other children have always seen it as normal and often join me on the sofa to feed their teddy bears.

Not everyone of course has a problem with it, but if I feel unsure about feeding when out and about, Fergus is old enough to wait. I’ve taught him the French child’s word for milk ‘Lolo’ which he abbreviates to ‘Lo’. This is fairly innocuous on its own, people think he’s saying hello to them and quite often say hello back. It’s only when I’m holding him that it becomes obvious what he’s after as he accompanies a loud shriek of ‘LO!’ with pulling my t-shirt open and peering down it in a proprietorial manner. If it bothered me I’d teach him another tactic but his territorial attitude amuses me and there is that soft glow of knowing that the bond between us continues by mutual consent. One day he won’t want ‘Lo’ any more and I expect I will feel partly relieved of a responsibility and partly heartbroken that my last baby doesn’t need me in that way any more. But in the meantime we’re just happy to go with the flow, or perhaps I should say: go with the Lo!

Although society in general is unused to breastfeeding toddlers and children, the NCT is a place where you can find support and information whether you are breastfeeding or giving formula milk.

Our policy is in line with the Global Strategy for Infant and Young Child Feeding (World Health Organisation 2003) in which one of the targets is ‘to ensure that the health and other relevant sectors protect, promote and support exclusive breastfeeding for six months and continued breastfeeding up to two years of age or beyond, while providing women access to the support they require’.