Toddler tantrums: the facts and how to cope

Are toddler tantrums normal?

Most children show behaviour that adults find challenging now and then, and this is a normal part of development. Tantrums are angry outbursts or periods of crying, screaming, shouting or even biting. The child can’t express their emotions in a way the parent can understand and so they become frustrated (Anna Freud, no date; Coram Family Lives, no date; NHS, 2022).

When do they start?

Tantrums usually start when children are around 18 months old and are much less common by the time they are four years old. Once the child learns to manage and communicate their feelings, tantrums reduce. So having tantrums is an important first step to learning how to manage them (Anna Freud, no date; NHS, 2022).

What causes toddler tantrums?

There are lots of reasons a child might have a tantrum. These include (Anna Freud, no date; NHS, 2022; NHS, 2023 a):

Being tired or hungry
Feeling bored or frustrated
As a way of getting attention
Feeling ignored, or jealous of attention being given to someone else
A desire to be independent
A reaction to something stressful happening in their lives

Remember that even though the reason for the tantrum might not seem like a big deal to the adult, it is important to the child (Anna Freud, no date).

Why does the child need an adult’s support?

The caregiver’s role is to help the child cope with what can feel like scary feelings. Without this guidance, they won’t learn the skills to regulate themselves, or that physical aggression is not acceptable (Anna Freud, no date).

Coping with toddler tantrums can feel difficult as the child may be acting in a way that the parent finds challenging. However, children having a tantrum need attention, love and time to calm down (NHS, 2022).

The child needs to feel safe, that help is at hand, and they are not alone. The way the adult deals with the situation will influence the child, who may just need a calm presence while they blow off steam (Anna Freud, no date).

Tips for dealing with a tantrum

Recognise the signs (Anna Freud, no date; Coram Family Lives, no date)

Notice the child’s behaviour so it’s easier to recognise signs that they are becoming overwhelmed. Take them to a quiet place or turn off loud noises if they seem to be getting overstimulated.

Some parents spot a pattern of the child feeling less able to cope when tired or hungry. They aim to reduce problems by remembering to offer naps and snacks.

Understand and accept them (NHS, 2022; NHS, 2023; Anna Freud, no date)

Be curious about what they are feeling so you can understand why they’re acting that way. Encourage them to explain what made them angry or upset.

Talk to them (Anna Freud, no date; NHS, 2022; NHS, 2023 a)

Shouting at the child or getting angry won’t help them calm down. Instead talk to them slowly and calmly with a simple message.

If you know why they’re upset, explain that you understand why they might feel that way. For example: ‘I know it can make you feel cross when someone takes a toy.’ (Anna Freud, no date)

They could also be encouraged to explain how the tantrum has made them feel physically and emotionally. The adult could ask: ‘Does it make your head feel funny?’

Children can understand long before they can talk, so there’s no need to delay explaining things to them, such as why they need to hold hands to cross the road.

Hold them and give them time (Anna Freud, no date; NHS, 2022)

For some children it helps to give them a hug until they are calm. This can soothe a child, help them feel safe, and get over the scary and overwhelming feelings.

Children who don’t like to be hugged might prefer a blanket around them to feel safe.

Distract them (Anna Freud, no date; NHS, 2022)

If it feels like a tantrum is coming on, try to look for something to distract the child. It could be pointing out a passing dog or asking them to count the clouds in the sky. This can help to stop a tantrum before it starts.

When having a tantrum, suggesting they count to ten or scrunch up then release their hands or face can help then calm down and regulate their emotions.

Taking them to the bathroom and helping them gently splash their face with cool water can be calming and show them that you’re looking after them.

Don’t give in, do give positive feedback (NHS, 2023 a; NHS, 2022)

If the adult gives them what they are demanding, or bribes them with sweets, they might see this as an easy way to get what they want in future.

When they’re not having a tantrum, give praise and say what the child has done well.

Toddler tantrums in public places

It’s common for tantrums to happen in public, which can feel embarrassing, shaming, and stressful. It can help diffuse the situation if parents or carers can stay calm (Anna Freud, no date; NHS, 2022).

Many of the people around may be parents themselves and have been in the same situation. If there are any looks or comments, ignore them and concentrate on the child (NHS, 2022).

When outside the home, it can help to (NHS, 2022):

keep trips short, so frustration and boredom are less likely to develop
involve the child in activities
time the trip so they are not hungry and be prepared with snacks
avoid trips at the time they would normally be having a nap, or if unavoidable, provide a space for them to rest

How can an adult carer manage their own feelings?

If becoming overwhelmed by the child’s tantrum, the adult carer could try some similar strategies to calm down, such as counting to 10 or taking deep breaths (Anna Freud, no date).

When at home, it’s ok for the parent or caregiver to make sure the child is safe and then go into another room to calm themselves for a few minutes (NHS, 2022).

Having a baby or child who has tantrums can be stressful. It’s ok to ask for help from another trusted adult. This might be family, friends, or a health professional (Anna Freud, no date).

Dealing with tantrums can be difficult for a parent or caregiver when they also have other stresses or worries. It can be especially hard if they didn’t have strong emotional support from their own parents when they were growing up (Anna Freud, no date).

Find ways to look after yourself day to day to stop feelings of stress building up. It’s important for the parent or caregiver not to let their own feelings lead to smacking or hitting the child. This is more likely to lead to the child becoming aggressive (NHS, 2023 a).

In the UK, smacking is banned in Scotland and Wales and there are calls to ban it in England and Northern Ireland (Coram Child Law Advice, no date).

A health visitor might offer a parenting programme to help understand a child’s development. In severe cases more individual support may be available (Royal College of Psychiatrists, 2025).

Some ways to avoid tantrums (Anna Freud, no date; NHS, 2023 a; NHS, 2023 b; NHS, 2022):

They might be hungry or thirsty, so keep mealtimes and snacks regular. Try not to leave mealtimes until they’re too hungry and upset to eat.
Equally, if tiredness leads to tantrums, don’t start new activities or trips too late in the day or at nap time.
Help them get rid of energy to avoid frustration. They could run around the park or jump or stamp. Make sure they have regular opportunity to move around freely and limit screen time.
Give them some independence by letting them help with tasks or chose what they get to wear.
Anyone who cares for the child needs to be consistent in the rules, so the child doesn’t get confused.
Ideally, carers will recognise when they are finding life difficult and reach out for support. Children are more likely to be upset when they sense something is wrong in the family.
Anticipate changes such as a new baby, starting playgroup, or moving house. Take the time to prepare them.

Mealtime tantrums

Eating is one thing toddlers have control over, so they may assert their independence. This can lead to refusing food or being a picky eater (KidsHealth, 2021).

Here are some tips for preventing tantrums around food (KidsHealth, 2021; NHS, 2023 b):

Avoid giving them food at times when they’re overtired.
Keep portions small. It’s better for them to ask for more food, than to feel overwhelmed by a plate that looks too full.
Mix favourite foods with new foods, then the parent can be confident that the toddler will eat something while being exposed to new foods. It may take a few times for the toddler to become familiar with new foods.
Be patient with slow eaters. Don’t nag or bribe them with dessert if they finish their first course. This could become a power struggle and pitches the dessert as the more desirable option.
Let children feed themselves to give them more control over what they’re eating, when they eat and how much.
If they choose not to eat at all, they might be full up or not hungry. Don’t force them but keep offering foods at the next meal or snack. Letting them respond to their own hunger cues helps them maintain a healthy weight when they’re older.
Model good eating habits by having family meals together, where everyone eats the same foods and spends time together.
Avoid ‘junk’ foods. Simply say that you don’t have that option and offer two healthy options to choose from.

See our article on Introducing solid food and drinks after six months for more ideas.

Supporting a neurodivergent child

While your child is very young, it’s unlikely that the parent would know if they are neurotypical or not.

Autistic people can experience meltdowns in response to feeling overwhelmed physically or emotionally. A meltdown is not a temper tantrum, and it can’t be controlled by the individual (National Autistic Society, 2020; Parent Talk, 2025).

Meltdowns may be stronger and more frequent than tantrums experienced by neurotypical children and may need a longer recovery time (Parent Talk, 2025).

When experiencing a meltdown, the child may lose control and (National Autistic Society, 2020; Parent Talk, 2025):

hit themselves or others
bang their heads
kick or bite
cry, scream or shout
withdraw and become unresponsive. They may isolate themselves and not want anyone near them.

Many autistic people have sensory needs or limits. A meltdown could be a response to a change in routine, a new place or new people, or an overwhelming physical or emotional demand (National Autistic Society, 2020; Parent Talk, 2025).

While a meltdown is happening (National Autistic Society, 2020; Parent Talk, 2025):

They may not be able to tell you how they’re feeling or why
Make sure they are in a safe space
Stay calm and don’t make demands of them
Don't worry about the reactions of others
Reduce stimulation from bright lights, loud noises, or other people
Give them plenty of time to work through the meltdown and recover
Think about what might have triggered the overwhelm

The National Autistic Society has more resources to support parents and carers.

Speak to the GP or health visitor if you think neurodivergence might be a cause of your child’s meltdowns.

Anticipating a meltdown

In the build-up to a meltdown there may be signs of anxiety, such as pacing, repetitive activity, rocking or unusual stillness. Noticing the signs may mean a parent or carer can step in with strategies to prevent a meltdown. This could include distraction, calming, or removing triggers (National Autistic Society, 2020).

Keeping a diary of meltdowns may help notice any patterns that lead to them. Once the triggers can be recognised it is easier to minimise exposure and prevent a meltdown. Common triggers include sensory stimulations such as noise or bright lights, unexpected touch or changes in routine. For non-verbal people it could be the inability to communicate (National Autistic Society, 2020).

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