Relationships with grandparents and friends after having a baby

Families function differently. They may approach warmth, belonging, communication, conflict, and discipline in different ways. These dynamics are also dependent on the context, for example finances, health, and other potential sources of stress.

Family and parenting styles may be influenced by the parents’ culture, ethnicity, own upbringing or religion. So, aspects of the relationship dynamics with friends and family may reflect that.

How do relationships with parents and in-laws change when a baby is born?

Becoming a parent can be a stressful experience, and new parents frequently turn to parents and in-laws for support (Chong et al, 2017).

Grandparents have a vested interest in the survival of their genes through the baby. From this shared interest can come cooperation and mutual respect (Daly & Perry, 2021).

Although family members and in-laws can provide well-needed help in the early days of parenting, these relationships may also create points of stress and tension (Chong et al, 2017; Danielsbacka et al, 2018).

Some people imagine that relationships with grandparents will be supportive, and are disappointed (NHS, 2023). Others expect them to be challenging and are pleasantly surprised. While others mourn relationships they no longer have – for example if they have relocated, have become estranged from their birth family, or their parent has died (Family Action, 2026 a).

It’s common to be anxious about the balance between peace and confrontation within a family, especially where support options are limited (Family Action, 2025). Where there are cultural or other value differences in the family, then thoughtful discussion around those values may be helpful when raising a baby (Fallon, no date).

How to improve relationships with family

Parents could:

From before the birth, explain to grandparents and friends what support they might find useful (NHS, 2023).
Think about what parts of the way their parents parented them they want to keep and what to avoid.
Create space to talk to family members openly and respectfully about cultural differences (Fallon, no date).
Build a support network of multicultural families (Fallon, no date; Family Action 2026).
Remember the benefits of having emotional and practical support from the family and friends, as well as those for the baby to have a loving family around them.
Acknowledge when something has been helpful and thank grandparents.
Recognise that unsolicited advice usually comes from a place of love.
Set clear boundaries while remaining respectful (Fallon, no date).
Bear in mind that grandparents also have their own lives and aren’t just there for free childcare.

Where there is a partner or co-parent, parents could:

Talk to the partner about any possible triggers that might create conflict and how to deal with them, e.g.grandparents smoking around the baby.
Talk through any issues with their own parents rather than expecting their partner to do so.
Provide a united front on important issues around raising their baby or babies.

When there are differences:

Refer grandparents to the evidence which now suggests a different way of caring for babies, for example with regards to safer sleep. The way that new parents wish things to be done is no judgement on the grandparent’s way, which was probably considered the right way to do things at the time.

Grandparents can:

Get up to speed with our resources on healthy pregnancy, birth, and baby care (for example, safer sleep).
Remember what it was like in the early days with their own children and what they found helpful then – for example meals, childcare, financial support or transport.
Bear in mind that even if they can’t help with childcare, they may be able to join trips out, play in the garden, or watch a movie together.
Provide emotional as well as practical support for parents (Chong et al, 2017).
Review our mental health resources tips.

How do friendships change after having a baby?

It’s helpful to maintain important friendships as a partner (where there is one) can’t completely fill the gap left by changes in work and social life contacts (NHS, 2023).

However, having a baby can put a strain on existing friendships, as new parents have much less available time, are often exhausted and may be feeling overwhelmed. Friends without children may not understand what it’s like to have a new baby or why new parents are not as available as before (NHS, 2023).

It may help for a new parent to explain to their friends how things have changed (NHS, 2023). For example, it may no longer be possible to see them as often, but talking on the phone or arranging to meet for a walk in the park can provide emotional support.

Sometimes, friendships may pause or end if it feels that the sense of connection is lost and the balance of the friendship has changed too much (Relate, no date).

Staying in touch with the most valuable friends, even if infrequently, means these relationships can be picked up again later (NHS, 2023; Relate, no date).

How can friends of new parents support them?

Friends of new parents could think of ways to support them without pressure for the new parent to socialise. This might be by picking up some essentials from the shop or bringing around a pre-cooked meal.

When a new parent is ready to see people, friends could offer a visit at home, or invite them over for a cup of tea and a catch up. Recognise that everyone will parent slightly differently and be accepting of their experiences.

Using social media to check in from time to time can keep the connection going without pressure or expectation.

Making new friends

Getting to know other new parents in the same situation can be invaluable although it can sometimes feel hard to do (Family Action, 2026 a).

Meeting people through an antenatal class provides an opportunity to meet parents who are having similar experiences (Family Action, 2026 a; Relate, no date). On our NCT Antenatal courses, parents get to know others who’ve had babies in the same area and at the same time.

NCT also runs volunteer-led parent and baby groups across the UK, bringing new parents together. Explore upcoming events and support groups, including our popular Walk & Talks, using our postcode search.

Additional sources of support

Parents might find that support from family and friends isn’t meeting their needs. In which case, other sources of support might be vital. These include (Family Action 2026 b):