Popular parenting approaches and is there a 'right' one?

The way a child is parented can enable them to thrive. It can provide children with the confidence to face challenges in their lives, as well as helping their cognitive and emotional development. Supportive parenting lowers the risk of depression for the child in later life (Lanjekar et al, 2022).

What works for one child may not work for another, even within the same family. This may be especially true in the case of children with additional needs. Flexibility is key, and approaches may change for different situations and as the child gets older (Parent Talk, no date).

Parental styles have significant influence when children are young. As they grow older, other factors such as social circles, culture, and working spaces will also influence them (Sanvictores & Mendez, 2026).

For younger babies, read more about bonding with a baby, and how babies develop social skills.

What do we mean by a parenting style?

A style is the way parents talk to their children and engage with them day to day. It can include how much talking there is between parents and children, and what activities are done together (Social Mobility Commission, 2017).

Examples could include:

• Whether the family actively spends time together, such as eating meals at the same time or how much everyone is invited to contribute to discussing the day.
• Whether parents spend time doing activities such as reading, walking and playing with children, and if the parent is warm or controlling in these interactions.
• How boundaries are set and discipline enforced.

Research has shown that parenting styles tend to fit into one of four broad approaches: Authoritarian, Authoritative, Neglectful and Permissive. Parents tend to lean towards one approach because of the way they were parented. Here we look at what parents might have experienced in their own upbringing.

Fig 1. The four broad approaches to parenting

Authoritarian – ‘Because I say so’

This way of parenting can be characterised by (BBC Bitesize, 2026; Psychology Today, 2026; Sanvictores & Mendez, 2026; Social Mobility Commission, 2017):

• The parent demanding respect, setting strict rules about expected behaviour and enforcing them without explanation.
• The parent being less nurturing and more controlling.
• Children being expected to follow the rules without question or discussion.
• Children being punished for not following rules.
• The parent being more likely to use punishment such as smacking*

Research shows that this parenting style can negatively affect a child's self-esteem and well-being. They may also grow up experiencing social and emotional difficulties, depression and unhealthy relationships (Huang et al, 2024; Lanjekar et al, 2022; Psychology Today, 2026; Sanvictores & Mendez, 2026).

Authoritative – Warm, and explaining the rules

A parent using an authoritative approach will (BBC Bitesize, 2026; Psychology Today, 2026; Social Mobility Commission, 2017; Weston K, 2026):

• Be nurturing and supportive.
• Create consistent and familiar routines.
• Engage in activities that promote learning and development.
• Set clear boundaries, and encourage independence within those boundaries, which increases as the child gets older.
• Take time to explain why they have made decisions.
• Be flexible where appropriate, but won’t necessarily change their minds.
• Provide supportive discipline.

Research shows that authoritative parenting is linked to children’s wellbeing, self-control, self-esteem, and social skills. An authoritative style provides a secure base for the child, which is linked to greater independence when they are older (Huang et al, 2024; Psychology Today, 2026; Sanvictores & Mendez, 2026).

Children may grow up to be more confident, responsible, and self-reliant. They have improved self-control, so are able to manage negative emotions. It is also associated with better behaviour, adaptability and academic results (Psychology Today, 2026; Sanvictores & Mendez, 2026; Social Mobility Commission, 2017).

Permissive – Friend rather than parent, few or no rules

This approach may also be described as indulgent or child-led parenting and is the opposite of authoritarian parenting. A permissive parent will (BBC Bitesize, 2026; Psychology Today, 2026; Sanvictores & Mendez, 2026):

• Be warm and attentive.
• Behave more as a friend than someone in charge.
• Be open to discussion, and let the child decide what happens.
• Not set consistent rules or boundaries.
• Avoid confrontation.
• Have low expectations of the child.
• Rarely or inconsistently discipline the child.

Research shows that this kind of parenting provides little guidance or moderation and can lead to children being entitled, impulsive, demanding or selfish. While they may have positive self-esteem and social skills, they may find it hard to self-regulate. They may also have unhealthy habits around food, which can lead to later health problems (Psychology Today, 2026; Sanvictores & Mendez, 2026).

Neglectful – Uninvolved in child’s life

These parents may also be described as uninvolved or disengaged. They will (Psychology Today, 2026; Sanvictores & Mendez, 2026; Weston, 2026):

• Usually fulfil the child’s basic needs, but provide minimal nurturing.
• Be emotionally unavailable, and have few expectations of the child.
• Not spend much time involved in play or activities with their child.
• Have few rules and little discipline.

Research shows that children brought up this way experience freedom, and through necessity, they will be more self-sufficient and resilient. Outside the home they may resist rules, struggle with self-control and emotional regulation, and find it difficult to cope with academic challenges or maintain social relationships (Psychology Today, 2026; Sanvictores & Mendez, 2026).

Changing a parenting approach

Most parents’ default approach is the way they were parented. Sometimes new parents become aware that the way they are parenting isn’t achieving what they want or doesn’t feel comfortable. They might realise the way they were parented was not a healthy approach (Psychology Today, 2026).

It is possible for someone to change the way they approach parenting and develop a healthier relationship with their child (Psychology Today, 2026). Parents will also need to adapt their parenting to each situation and the child’s needs, which will change over time (BBC Bitesize, 2026).

How do I take a positive approach to parenting?

Features of what is now considered a healthy parenting style include (BBC Bitesize, 2026; Psychology Today, 2026; Social Mobility Commission, 2017):

• Being warm and loving to children.
• Setting age-appropriate limits.
• Actively listening to and acknowledging children’s feelings and concerns.
• Being a role model for expected behaviour, for example, showing respect.
• Avoiding threats and providing praise.
• Creating a safe environment through consistent rules and routines.
• Engaging with the child, for example talking and reading together.
• The parent expressing their feelings to the child and partner where there is one. This models the value of sharing feelings and getting them met.

Parents can also (BBC Bitesize, 2026; Social Mobility Commission, 2017):

• Look after themselves, so they have the capacity to care for the child without becoming overwhelmed.
• Ask for support from friends, family or health professionals.
• Look into local parenting programmes to learn more.
• Remember that they don't have to be the perfect parent.

What if I get it wrong?

Most parents will experience stress at some time while parenting. This might come from the relationship with the child, or from work, money, or a relationship. When under pressure, it’s normal to find it harder to be calm, warm, and a good role model (Fonseca et al, 2020).

If a parent recognises that they’re struggling to maintain a healthy approach to parenting, they can:

• Acknowledge they’re finding it hard.
• Be kind to themselves. This is common, and it doesn’t make them a ‘bad’ parent.
• Take a break to calm themselves.
• Seek support to overcome the pressures on them.

What if my partner’s approach to parenting is different to my own?

It’s common for parents, whether together or separated, to have different parenting styles. This is a result of the way each parent was raised (Parent Talk, no date).

So long as parents agree on critical issues like safety, the child can cope with different approaches. They will learn adults can have different opinions about some issues, while being consistent about others (Parent Talk, no date).

Where there are disagreements about an approach, avoid undermining the other parent by disagreeing in front of the child. It’s better to remain calm in the moment and discuss it when the child isn’t there (Parent Talk, no date).

Use “I feel…” or “I notice…” rather than “You always …” to show kindness and avoid blame. Bring it back to what’s best for the child, rather than for you. Asking the other parent about your parenting and listening to what they say can promote a mutual sense of safety (Parent Talk, no date).

It may help to read and discuss some of our articles on caring for a baby or child, so you both have the same information. For example:

• Helping a newborn transition to life outside the womb
• Why do babies cry?
• Infant feeding
• Newborn sleep and sleep training

Other parenting styles

You may not have heard of these broad approaches before and may be looking for a parenting style you’ve heard about elsewhere. Here are some popular styles.

Attachment parenting

First described by American paediatrician Dr William Sears, who described that parents adopting this approach (Psychology Today, 2026; AskDrSears; 2020):

• Are physically and emotionally close to the child from an early age, including using slings.
• Breastfeed their child for extended periods.
• Co-sleep with the child for extended periods.
• Aim to be responsive and sensitive to the child’s needs.

Supporters of the style say that this approach benefits both parent and baby when they are very young. They say it can lead to an understanding of the child’s emotional and mental needs, promote social development, and reduce behavioural problems (AskDrSears, 2020).

This approach may feel time-consuming and demanding of the parent. Parents may also face the challenge of ‘letting go’ of their children as they move towards independence (Psychology Today, 2026).

Mind-minded parenting

This concept was identified by Professor Elizabeth Meins when she observed how some parents related to their children. She saw that some parents noticed the child’s behaviour and responded in a way that acknowledged the child had their own thought process (Dewar, 2018; Meins, 2015; Nature Index, no date).

For example, if a baby were to point to a cup, the parent might say: ‘Oh I can see you want that cup’. If the child was expressing frustration, the parent might say: ‘It looks like you’re feeling quite cross’.

Later research showed that this approach could help the child develop the language to describe their emotions, desires and interests (Dewar, 2018; Meins, 2015).

Research shows that a child supported in this way can grow up with better social skills, understanding that other people have thoughts and feelings. They can be more securely attached to their parents, develop better self-control and co-operation, and experience fewer behavioural difficulties (Dewar G, 2018; Meins, 2015; Nature Index, no date).

Further information

Best Start Family Hubs are welcoming, free spaces where families can ask for support.
Coram Family Lives provides self-guided, online courses, with helpful techniques for parenting all the way to the teenage years.
Parent Talk parenting coaches support and guide parents in the unique challenges of parenting 0 to 5 year olds.